Football: WEEK 3 2009 PICKS

WEEK 3 2009 NFL PICKS
by Justin Henry

You know, you hear it every year. Somebody will invariably say it when the discussion of recent NFL action comes up. Bloggers, studio analysts, commentators, fans, and anyone else you can think of will utter the following statement, or a variation, around this time each year.

“This is the weirdest NFL season yet.”

Why would it not be? Has there ever been a NORMAL NFL season? Has anyone ever run the table and predicted every NFL game correctly? No. Never. Except maybe Joe Buck, since he knows everything there is to know and the action on the field bores him. See, that’s the reason he’s so bored. When you always know what to expect and you’re able to acquire complete knowledge of everything, you reserve the right to be less than enthused during games. Joe Buck is just that smart.

And what’s there to be surprised about? Tom Brady in a slump, Josh McDaniels 2-0, Tennessee winless, Eli Manning actually having receivers, The Immaculate Deflection, John Fox’s continued employment, Mark Sanchez as Cool Hand Luke, Cincinnati’s defense as a force….surprises? Really? Joe Buck isn’t surprised. And neither should you be!

So onto this week’s picks. This week’s theme: Metallica. There’s nothing like the introspective and morose lyrics of James Hetfield to put another “weird” season in its proper place.

So here we go.

Kansas City at Philadelphia
“Misery / you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders” – My Friend of Misery, 1991
The more Todd Haley screams at his players without success, the sooner his ineffectiveness is exposed. You can be ineffective WITHOUT yelling. Just look across the sidelines at Big Red.
MY PICK: Philadelphia 30, Kansas City 10

Tennessee at New York Jets
“Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers, never ending potency” – Battery, 1986
Rex Ryan is the spawn of Orson Welles and Darth Vader. If Chris Johnson can’t solve the defense, Tennessee continues their anti-2008 season.
MY PICK: New York 16, Tennessee 13

Green Bay at St Louis
“Holding me back because I’m striving to be / Better than you!”- Better than You, 1997
Barring that weird loss last week to Cincinnati, every time I see Aaron Rodgers play, I’m more grateful that Mike McCarthy essentially told Brett Favre “ride the pine or walk out the door”. Bounce back week for a future Super Bowl champion in the real “A-Rod”.
MY PICK: Green Bay 27, St Louis 7

San Francisco at Minnesota
“They're off to find the hero of the day / But what if they should fall by someone's wicked way” – Hero of the Day, 1996
I like Adrian Peterson. I have a soft spot for Brad Childress. I admire the defensive line. But I just can’t root for a team with The Spineless Moth at quarterback. The name indicates someone who’s attracted to light and nothing more. If I’m Mike Singletary, I play Favre-Ball: Blitz six, drop back five. When the ‘team player’ throws the ball up, pick it off. Never fails.
MY PICK: San Francisco 20, Minnesota 17

Cleveland at Baltimore
“There is an evil feeling in our brains / But it is nothing new; you know it drives us insane” – Seek and Destroy, 1983
Ray Lewis? Check. Pounding running game? Check. Typical Cleveland ineptitude? Check. Good to go.
MY PICK: Baltimore 34, Cleveland 7

New York Giants at Tampa Bay
“Moving back instead of forward seems to me absurd” – Eye of the Beholder, 1988
Tampa Bay fires a Super Bowl winning coach (six years expired, granted) who just missed the post-season, only to see the following happen: a quarterback controversy where none of the three are any good, a trade for a talented yet spoiled tight end, a goodbye to the best linebacker in franchise history, and the firing of the offensive coordinator before the season even kicked off. On the bright side, Derrick Ward gets to see some old friends again!
MY PICK: New York 31, Tampa Bay 14

Jacksonville at Houston
“This shortest straw has been pulled for you” – The Shortest Straw, 1988
Maurice Jones-Drew must wonder what he’s done to deserve this lot in life. He has NOTHING around him. His defense won’t stop Kubiak’s high-powered offense. He needs a career day to get the Jags into the win column. And that’s asking a lot.
MY PICK: Houston 27, Jacksonville 14

Atlanta at New England
“Wait for the sign / To flick the switch of death / It's the beginning of the end” – Ride the Lightning, 1984
Resident Boston-apologist Bill Simmons feels that his Patriots are on a decline. I wouldn’t be so pessimistic, but the defense needs a lot of mending and work. Brady’s bound to show his flashes again sooner or later, and I think they eke one out over the Falcons flying high.
MY PICK: New England 14, Atlanta 10

Washington at Detroit
“I don't know how to live through this hell / Woken up, I'm still locked in this shell” – Trapped Under Ice, 1984
Bad news for Detroit: they’re still winless. Good news: The Redskins can’t score more than 28 points under Jim Zorn. If Detroit can play mistake-free football (HA!), they can edge out the shaky ‘skins (not so HA!).
MY PICK: Detroit 20, Washington 14

Chicago at Seattle
“You lie so much you believe yourself / judge not lest ye be judged yourself” – Holier than Thou, 1991
Jay Cutler has the likeability of Dick Cheney putting a kitten through a meat grinder. He’s talented, for sure, but you wish for more games like week one where he falls on his face and shifts blame to his teammates.I just don’t look for it this week with Seneca Wallace leading the Javas.
MY PICK: Chicago 24, Seattle 10

New Orleans at Buffalo
“Spineless from the start, sucked into the part /circus comes to town, you play the lead clown” – Leper Messiah, 1986
I don’t believe Terrell Owens is going to be the thing that saves Dick Jauron’s job. In fact, should they miss the playoffs, that’s going to be the nail in the coffin. Playing against a hot Drew Brees doesn’t make it any easier for the American Argonauts either.
MY PICK: New Orleans 34, Buffalo 20

Miami at San Diego
“Choke, asphyxia, Snuff reality / Scorch, kill the light, Incinerate celebrity” – The End of the Line, 2008
What dies out completely first: LT’s career or Miami’s “spontaneous” wildcat offense? Both of them are near their expiration dates.
MY PICK: San Diego 21, Miami 14

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
“Just let me plug you into my world, can’t you help me be uncrazy?” – Unnamed Feeling, 2003
Chad 85 got a chuckle with his Lambeau Leap last Sunday, and the Bengals are looking shockingly strong. But Roethlisberger’s coming off a loss to Chicago, and is undefeated in the state of Ohio. If Chad stays focused and Cedric Benson avoids the clink, Cincinnati can be a force this season. But not this week.
MY PICK: Pittsburgh 21, Cincinnati 13

Denver at Oakland
“Luck. Runs. Out.” – All Nightmare Long, 2008
It’s Denver. They have to lose sometime. As long as JaMarcus Russell doesn’t hand them the game.
MY PICK: Oakland 17, Denver 12

Indianapolis at Arizona
“I won’t go away, with a bullet in my back / Right here I’ll stay, with a bullet in my back” – Shoot me Again, 2003
Peyton Manning still wins games. At 33, nary a day off, he’s still the most cerebral and calculating quarterback in the game. In a shoot out, the smarter team usually wins with the more well-executed finish. In finishing situations, would you bet against Mr. DirecTV?
MY PICK: Indianapolis 24, Arizona 20

Carolina at Dallas
“No more nights in this eternal hell, Destination is simple, we move out.” – Killing Time, 1998
If John Fox and Wade Phillips are still employed four months from now, I’ll more surprised than when Fox renewed Til Death. Fox is allowing Delhomme to sign his pink slip, and Phillips is as good a leader as Romo is. We in Philly have dealt with “McNabb is overrated” stories for seven years. Get used to it in Big D, Tony.
MY PICK: Dallas 27, Carolina 17