Football: NFL HAIKU

NFL HAIKU
by Justin Henry

I'm saving my promised Saints column for Wednesday, when I haven't been rendered completely lifeless and groggy by the Phillies win.

So in the meantime, here's my take on the first quarter of the 2009 NFL season, through some lovely poetry known as "haiku". Enjoy, because I did. I think.

NEW YORK JETS
Chemistry is great
Let's gamble on that a bit
Let's trade for Braylon!

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Brady walks to car
Wind blows debris at his knee
Personal foul called

MIAMI DOLPHINS
Wildcat is here
It was so great last season
Well, that was last year

BUFFALO BILLS
So you signed TO
Now you just need a QB
Umm, I don't see one

CINCINNATI BENGALS
They have a defense?
Who is this Andre Caldwell?
When did this happen?

BALTIMORE RAVENS
Heartbreaking losses
Ravens seem to be human
Without Rex Ryan

PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Charmps are in trouble
Polamalu is injured
Damn that Madden Curse

CLEVELAND BROWNS
Two for seventeen?
That cannot beat any team!
Well, except the Bills

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
It’s Peyton Manning!
The guy from DirecTV!
And he can’t be stopped

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
I pick them, they lose
Go against them and they win
Make up your damn minds

HOUSTON TEXANS
They have great offense
Why can’t they seem to win games?
Oh yeah, no defense

TENNESSEE TITANS
At a loss for words
Zero and five, this is bad
Fisher’s era ends

DENVER BRONCOS
Teenager guides team
To perfect season thus far
All before curfew

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
They can’t see success
What could blind this great young team?
Shot of Tequila?

OAKLAND RAIDERS
Will DirecTV
Sponsor this really bad squad?
And switch from Cable?

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
My food has gone cold
I’ll reheat it when Chiefs lose
On Haley’s forehead

NEW YORK GIANTS
Manning limps to win
Against the Oakland Raiders
Hell, I can do that

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Beat all the bad teams
Then they struggle with the Saints
Yeah, sounds about right

DALLAS COWBOYS
Love that jumbotron
Romo’s chokes on giant screen
HD quality!

WASHINGTON REDSKINS
Let’s start a new cheer
For the coach, Mr. Jim Zorn
Hip, hip, you’re fired!

MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Favre, do me a favor
See Adrian Peterson there?
Don’t steal his spotlight

CHICAGO BEARS
Cutler shuts his mouth
Then the team wins a few games
Wow, imagine that

GREEN BAY PACKERS
Rodgers does his part
While teammates seem to flounder
No wonder Favre quit

DETROIT LIONS
Better than last year!
It’s just one win, but hey, still
Better than last year!

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Brees is near flawless
Defense is far, far improved
Trophy hoist looms near

ATLANTA FALCONS
The offense from Hell
Destroys San Fran’s vaunted D
You think they miss Vick?

CAROLINA PANTHERS
They finally triumph
Over the lousy Redskins
So it doesn’t count

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
Winslow and Johnson
Should overthrow the regime
Of Raheem Morris

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Inconsistency
Golden City’s mortal flaw
Singletary seethes

ARIZONA CARDINALS
Madden curse is bad
Super Bowl loser curse too
Ugh, they’re double screwed

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
Crushed Rams and the Jags
To earn their two victories
As good as it gets!

ST. LOUIS RAMS
The defense shows hope
But they have one major test
Please, just stop the Rush

When he isn’t watching WWE, TNA, or his beloved Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies, Justin Henry can be found writing. It is his passion as well as his goal in life to become a well-regarded columnist or author. He tweets at http://twitter.com/mindofjrhsports and facebooks himself at http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh.